01 January 2008

New year, new pregnancy woes?

Now that I'm back in Melbourne and quite literally melting on the first day of the new year, perhaps it's only appropriate to celebrate the 10 best moments in celeb pregnancy in 2007:

10) Lily Allen: luckily avoided tabloid spectacle for her unplanned, out-of-wedlock pregnancy as a result of making her announcement at the same time as even bigger trainwreck, Jamie Lynn Spears (we'll get to her later). Announced just yesterday she will not be adding a maternity line to her new collection of clothing as it would send a 'bad message' to young girls.

9) Halle Berry: having wanted a baby for as long as anyone can remember and after a string of loser husbands, Halle is finally pregnant to a man who is quite possibly more beautiful than she. How's that for revenge?

8) Bridget Moynahan: made the mistake of getting knocked up at the same time she and Patriots frontman Tom Brady were just calling it quits. He shacked up with Brazillian supermodel Giselle Bundchen and Bridget ended up popping out his baby alone. The word on the street is she 'bounced back' so quickly just to show him what he was missing (I assume that's in addition to being a responsible father?)

7) Jennifer Lopez: played the 'I'm not pregnant' game for longer than anyone was willing to withstand and as a result, even I lost interest. 'Freaking out' over having gained 50lbs to date according to the latest Internet rumours, J.Lo is either have twins or a small mammal (I'm guessing it's twins, so why don't you just tell us already?!)

6) Christina Aguilera: same deal, feigned non-pregnancy for too long only to bust out naked and knocked up for Marie Claire magazine this month. *Yawn* Last I heard she has scheduled a caesar for the first week of January because pushing just isn't her thing.

5) Milla Jovovich: is there anything more delicious than seeing a waifish stick-figure model gain upwards of 70lbs in a single pregnancy? Milla literally ate her way through 9 months of baby-growing and has not appeared in many photos since in the birth of her daughter.

4) Jessica Alba: international sex symbol gone maternal and marrying a guy named 'Cash'. Seriously, I hope they don't name the new baby 'Money'.

3) Britney Spears: was not pregnant but 'accused' of pregnancy so many times in 2007 we might as well include her on the list. Dealt with dysfunction, K-Fed, and the loss of custody of her children. No wonder she decided to shave her head, attack a paparazzo with an umbrella and get kicked out of almost every decent hotel in Beverly Hills.

2) Nicole Richie: formerly drug addicted, eating disordered and struggling with family dysfunction, hooks up with tattooed rocker and does complete 180. Starts eating, becomes the poster child of good motherhood and reignites her friendship wth Paris Hilton. Need I say more?

1) Jamie Lynn Spears: 16 years old and shares the same genes with Britney Spears. Priceless.

No comments:

Creative Commons License
The Baby Bump Project by Meredith Nash is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.