Working mums are bad mums

Welcome to this week's first cautionary tale.

Headlines are blazing upon the announcement of data from a UK study declaring "Working mothers' children unfit". What do they mean? Oh well, that apparently women who work more than 20 hours per week end up with fat, lonely and basically maladjusted 5 year olds.

And they didn't even bother to look at the male partners because they decided that the women's working hours fluctuated more. Professor Catherine Law, who led the study, is careful to state that this study does not mean that women should not work, rather parents need to be better supported. But seriously. This is the same research group that found that children are more likely to be overweight by the age of 3 if their mothers work. These results will inevitably be used against women in some form or another.

Sally Russell, a spokesman for Netmums, said: "The stress and guilt associated with being a working mum is something we are all too well aware of. This report adds to that guilt.

"With many more mums having no choice but to work these days and with government policy actively encouraging it, it is difficult to know how mums can do better. "

We should be applauding mothers for returning to work and managing their households and not 1) not punishing them for working out of desire or necessity or 2) pitting women who work and women who do not work in paid employment against one another. This research, whether it was intented or not, only fuels already entrenched debates about motherhood and who is a 'good' mum and who is a 'bad' mum.

Bad mums in Italian Vogue

According to Italian Vogue, wealthy women suck at being mothers. In fact, they would rather drink, smoke and ignore their children.

Are the photos breaking down the myth of perfect motherhood or are they just offensive?

True Confessions

Ever feel like a 'bad' mother? Too embarrassed to tell your friends that you hate your toddler sometimes or that you occasionally lock yourself in the bathroom just to get away from it all? Well, looks like you're not alone. One Los-Angeles mum has started a website called True Confessions (and now just released as a book) where mummy (and anyone else) can tell her 'secrets' freely without the assurance of complete anonymity and a support group of thousands. The site has sections for secrets about bodies/dieting, the office, wives, brides, singles and even a whole section for military wives. Some of the confessions from the body site are hopeful but some are also heartbreaking:

"I had a baby 3 mo ago and i hate my body stretch marks,fat rolls, nothing fits and i don't want to spend money on fat cloths [sic]."

"Good Bye 30 pounds. I will not miss you when you are gone... but I will enjoy the memories we shared."

"I hate that I constantly compare myself to other women. It doesn't nothing but make me feel worse about myself. I am 5ft.3 and weigh 140 pounds. I've had two kids and hate the damage inflicted as a result of pregnancy. I do my best to eat right (I don't eat Twinkies and wash it down with Coke), I exercise when I can, and am even considering plastic surgery. I just hate how I look and know that I need to change my attitude. I will be devastated if I pass this on to my daughters. I just want to feel as beautiful as people tell me I am."

What are your motherhood confessions?

Feel free to post them in the comments section anonymously.

Britney's 'bad' mothering according to Us

Seriously, when did Us magazine become the authority on parenting? It never ceases to amaze me how what once was a fairly daggy celeb rag selling copies only for its good photos has become the American celebrity goss mag hovering on the same plane as People. Today, emboldened by its market share of gossip hungry twenty and thirty-something urban women, Us derives some perverse delight in castigating Britney Spears for everything she has done 'wrong' which according to the editors is 'bad mommy behavior'. Who writes this rubbish? As I said in my last post, when are people going to leave Britney Spears the bloody hell alone? Why is it that we have to constantly rehash the car seat incident, the falling over that nearly caused her to drop the baby. Some of the slides in the Us gallery show Britney going out with her family minus the children. When did it become illegal to leave the kids at home with the nanny? What really gets me going is this antiquated notion that 'good' mothers must be selfless at all costs. Today, the cultural expectations placed on the shoulders of mothers are so heavy that doing your best is not good enough anymore; motherhood entails a set of behavioral guidelines that women must follow and against which they are judged. I find it really interesting that Britney always seems to be the target of this 'bad' mother discourse particularly when most photographs of Spears show her with her children. How often do you see other celebrities with their children regularly?

To view the slideshow: http://www.usmagazine.com/britney_baby_drama