I have to say that after posting 'Pregnancy is not a time for indulgence' http://babybumpproject.blogspot.com/2007/08/pregnancy-is-not-time-for-indulgence.html
I did not anticipate such strong reactions to this woman's story. In fact, the post has been the source of a bit of a blog commenting war in which the woman who so generously provided her story has been castigated for sharing her experience. I've felt uneasy about this whole situation. As the moderator of the blog, I feel like everyone is allowed to say what they think, however I think nasty comments just defeat my purpose in setting up this site: for women all over the world to talk about pregnancy without reservation and without judgment.
As some of the responses to this particular post bordered on hurtful, I thought maybe I shouldn't allow them to be posted. However, in the end I decided it's not my place to censor anyone and instead, it would probably be more productive for all of us if I take a moment to tease out some of the anger shown toward this particular woman who was actually quite brave in saying (in defiance of popular beliefs about pregnancy) that when she was pregnant she did not overindulge.
I'm not here to say who is 'right' or 'wrong'. I'm just interested in the fact that some people are suggesting that this woman's experience of pregnancy is not 'authentic' because she doesn't talk about having stretch marks and cravings. I think this is clearly a source of tension when it comes to talking about pregnancy weight and prenatal nutrition. Isn't funny that when it comes to celebrities we are all quick to jump up and down about how unfair and ridiculous it is for everyday women to feel the need to try achieve an unachievable body shape, yet, when an everyday woman discusses her positive health changes in pregnancy, everyone gets critical?
I've found in my own research speaking to women that it's not celebrities that are meaningul in women's lives, it's mothers, sisters and best friends who are our greatest sources of inspiration, advice and of course, serve as our bases for bodily comparison. I wonder if the critical comments toward this woman who lost her baby weight quickly are really a reflection of other women's bodily anxieties.
For a very long time, it was only in pregnancy that women were allowed to be 'fat' and not conform to the ideal of slenderness that so plagues our current popular culture. Now, however, as the recommended weight limitations for pregnancy are becoming more stringent and doctors are limiting the amount of calories pregnant women are meant to consume, I think that is a real source of anxiety for women who feel guilty for eating chocolate or having cravings or not being able to do exercise in order to stem their overall weight gain. The idea that women should have stretch marks and crave chocolate is so culturally entrenched when a woman says she hasn't experienced these things, it makes the women who do feel inadequate understandably. However, your experience of pregnancy does not necessarily have to be written on your body in order to be legitimate.
Anyway, my point is this: let's address the real source of anger and not criticise. Everyone's experiences of pregnancy and motherhood are different. If your experience differs from those of the various women I have posted about, please write in and share. We cannot learn from one another through anonymous, nasty comments.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
I would also like to hear about peoples' experiences. Regarding the person who wrote in, I think she was in trouble from the moment she moved from her experience to:
"I think that ideally pregnant women should..."
and
"It's definitely possible for the average woman to be thin, attractive, and a mother..."
Her personal experience in interspersed with preachiness and perhaps that is what got people riled up.
I am finding it progressively less difficult not to be offended here (thank goodness). Because now I'm coming to accept that there is an obvious bias here that will not be moved. I see all kinds of opinions on this blog and it seems silly to me that people can say "I think it's suspicious that Heidi Klum got her body back so quickly" and "Pregnant woman should be able to eat whatever we want without criticism from the medical community" but if I say "I think that ideally (ideal: something to strive for, an idea of perfection, not real or actual) pregnant women should stay fit and eat healthy" that I am being preachy. If that's how it is then I guess I AM in trouble, and like so many women, should remain in the closet afraid of the criticism I will receive by stating my ideas with passion and honesty.
In response to this - my original comment, while sarcastic, was not a criticism of what was or wasn't eaten during the pregnancy. Or how quickley someone gets a flat stomach. I just think that linking what you eat during pregnancy to APGARs and at what age your children achieve developmental milestones to be farfetched, and I have not seen any evidence to the contrary.
Hahaha. I wasn't linking food to APGARS. OMG, that's the silliest thing I ever heard. My point was that my small size and lack of desire to go for seconds at the table obviously were not "physically and mentally unhealthy". As in "See? My baby and I are still healthy?" Get it now?
As in, some people think if you don't gain a ton of weight you're "depriving" your baby. And I was making it a point that my small size did not mean I was depriving my baby of nourishment because she was still of average size with high APGARS. Has anyone gotten the actual point of my story yet? Probably not... *sigh*
Your point was that some women just naturally find it easier to lose weight after pregnancy and that they're stories are worth hearing, and that you are one of those people, and that you don't have to be a celebrity to lose weight fast.
I just think those points don't really need to be made given the pressure women are put under at all times, but especially during and after pregnancy, to lose weight. I think it's judgemental (regardless of whether it is intended), irresponsible (can lead to women feeling judged and making poor health decisions in order to lose weight fast), and I think its sad. Who cares what a woman looks like? It should never matter, and especially not after she has just given birth!
Post a Comment